The old stranger/danger idea is bad advice and we need to ditch it, because telling kids not to talk to strangers fails to protect children at the most basic level.
1990's
- Don't get in to cars with strangers
- Don't meet people off the internet
2018
- Literally summon strangers from the internet to get into their car
Growing up my parents and teachers always drilled in my mind, the concept of “stranger danger” year after year. The overall harrowing theme was that strangers are the enemy and we should never speak to them. All strangers had a hidden agenda that would not end well for us gullible children. But sometimes things we learned then, I don't quite agree with.
I mean who else would your kids turn to if they need help? If anything the "don't talk to strangers" message cultivates a culture of fear. Children who have been drilled in this message sometimes freeze when a neighbor walks down the sidewalk. Others refuse to talk. Parents are scaring themselves so much with unrealistic thoughts of stranger abduction that they bring the kids indoors and limit their exposure to healthy play and exploration. This fear is overblown.
So, instead of making a rule, it's better to teach kids when it's appropriate to talk to strangers and when it is not. When your kids are out with you, it's fine to let them greet and talk to new people. You are watching the situation and will protect them.
But if your child is alone and approached by a stranger, that's a different story. Tell your kids that if a stranger ever approaches and offers a ride or treats (like candy or toys) or asks for help with a task (like helping find a lost dog), they should step away, yell "No!" and leave the area immediately. Your child should tell you or another trusted adult (like a teacher) what happened. The same goes if anyone — whether a stranger, family member, or friend — asks your child to keep a secret, tries to touch your child's private area, or asks your child to touch theirs.
Most kids are likely to be wary of strangers who are mean-looking or appear scary in some way. But most child molesters and abductors are regular-looking people, and many go out of their way to look friendly, safe, and appealing to children. So, instead of judging a person by appearance, teach kids to judge people by their actions.