You say that is the problem right there. That I should stop trying to change you and accept you as you are. That is what you need:
Oh boy did this one frustrate me because I am not trying to change him fundamentally as a person. I did accept him; exactly as he was! I took on his problems as my own. I made a commitment to the man in front of me and I tried to heal every hole that existed in his heart. You know where the problem came in, specifically in this situation I am referring to…he lied.
The person I said yes to at the alter is not the person you are today.
That wasn’t who you were, so the man that I accepted, became someone else all in a blink of an eye; and because I loved you before you revealed your true qualities, I extended that commitment to the man you proved to be over time. But that is not fair because you got the love care and commitment that I had sworn, only under false pretenses. And what I got as a result was pain, confusion, isolation, and hopelessness. I lost who I was trying to find who you pretended to be.
You like logic. Think about what you are saying...
One second you are telling me that I shouldn’t give up so easily and the next second you are telling me that I shouldn’t try to change you. Do you know what these two conflicting principles do over time, they encourage women like me to stay in abusive relationships all in the name of love.
Moral behind my venting: Just because you made a commitment to someone does not mean that you have to accept the abuse that they are capable of. You have a right to expect the person you promised to be with and you have the right to demand a love that doesn’t cause you pain.
And are you saying that if I believe these toxic patterns are emerging, that I shouldn’t give you, my partner the benefit of communication. Should I not voice the changes that need to be made in order for the relationship to survive.
If you don’t want to be changed, just show us who you are the first time, so we have the benefit of knowing what we/ I signed up for.
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